A Tale of Fissure, Toilets and Plumbers

There's a white plastic pipe running from the toilet tank to the bowl and it's leaking.

I went round the bowl, had a knowing look, felt for the trickle of water, then expertly placed a plastic cup underneath to prevent the bathroom floor from getting uncomfortably wet, especially since the little rivulet on it obstinately avoided the drain and chose instead to cowardly escape under the tub.

Then I called the foreman of the team who had installed the fixture not 2 months earlier.

"I got a fissured pipe", I announced him.

He answered as if he'd carefully been monitoring the degrading plastic by satellite as the pipe left its Chinese manufacturer up until it had started leaking in my bathroom, and he'd been expecting my call for days.

"Yeap, they're crap", he said. Suddenly he'd forgotten that he had bought the thing himself, with our money, at his recommendation, from "the best household goods store in town". (Ambient)

"So. Wanna come have a look?" I inquired practically (that's called an anastrophe).

"Tell you what, I'll do even better. I'll pop in tomorrow morning, bring a better replacement pipe and a plumber from the team", he offered. I accepted at once.

The next morning the door bell rang and two handymen greeted me (after I opened the door). The foreman himself was not present and I asked why. They didn't know.

One of them went straight to the bathroom, knelt round the bowl, had a knowing look and expertly felt for the trickle of water, leaving grease marks on the guilty pipe. Then he stood up and wiped his hands on the front of his pants.

I waited expectantly.

"You got a fissured pipe", he announced me.

I blinked. Mentally I put both my hands over my mouth, where the words "no shit, Sherlock" were using a battering ram to break through my teeth and burst out.

A modern battle ram (courtesy of Wikipedia)

"I thought you were supposed to bring a replacement pipe", I remarked observing no such pipe protruding from their collective pockets.

"You're kidding! Where would I find a pipe like this?! No way. Tell you what, though," he conceded. "If you do find a pipe, give us a call and we'll pop back and replace it for you. How's that?"

He gleamed as if he'd offered me to live in Dubai on his expense for the duration of the reparations.

"Yeah, whatever." I mumbled and showed them their way out.